MY HOW SHE'S GROWN

Wow, really, this was only a year ago. This completely freaks me out!!! Can't we just push pause or something? Maybe a time out, anything to slow it down. Here is a little journey of her last year.

It's hardly noticeable on a day to day basis.

How they are just babies,...

that figure out that no, sand does not taste good,

just going with the flow, wherever that may be,

exploring new things with her own fingers,

wondering why all this holiday stuff is so great,

and that your mom is crazy for making you dress up in this get up,

to realizing why Christmas ROCKS,

and then POW, she's a little girl,

not the chubby little baby, that not so long ago you pulled from a bassinet.

But still and always daddy's little girl

now running, jumping, playing,

turning into a little kid, instead of a little baby. No, not noticeable on a day to day basis, but none the less, it happens. I find myself conflicted with emotions. I love who she is today, but I miss who she was yesterday. I guess that is the never ending plight of a parent. I love you Cassie girl, yesterday, today and forever. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

TUNNELS

I am going to share with you all one of the best presents I have ever received in my life.

My father wrote this to us kids the Christmas after my mom passed away and it is one of the most profound things I've ever read. It's always helped me when I feel stuck in my life. Maybe it will do the same for you.

TUNNELS OF MY MIND

By Mike Vuittonet

I don't like tunnels. They are often dark and cold and because it's hard to see, I often fear what lies before me. I know I cannot avoid these tunnels, they are as much a part of our lives as is breathing. I am thankful that I have not spent endless days or years within these places. Many days of sunshine, love and hope have become my flashlight. As I wander through these times, I think of you my dear children. My heart and eyes swell with tears as I watch you trying to make your way through your own tunnels. Though we are surrounded by loved ones, we find ourselves alone in these places. As much as I would like to be there with you, I know that this is not possible. So I'll try to give you some thoughts from my heart to yours. Just take them with you as you enter these dark places. Store them in your heart, because it is your heart that will help you find the way to your hopes and dreams.

You will encounter many kids of tunnels, they will vary in size, depth, light, darkness and temperature. Some will be very scary, some deceptively pleasant, while others can become a tomb. You, and you alone will chose which ones to explore. You, and you alone will chose how long to stay and whether or not it is wise or safe to continue. Here are some of tunnels you have or will have to face.

SELF PITY

This one is often hard to recognize. Most of the time we don't even know were in it and when some one tells us so, we usually refuse to believe it. The consequences of dwelling in a tunnel like this are many. We become self centered, sorrowful and depressed. Let your heart stand up and say, " I refuse to say in this place. I will look to the needs of others. I will not allow sorrow and depression to steal my hopes and dreams.

ANGER

This one is obvious, for the terrain here is very jagged, cold and precarious. Should you choose to live hear, you must understand this. You will live hear alone (even though you are surrounded by people who love you in spite of it). For in this place there is little concern for others. Patients, compassion and kindness are rays of light which cannot be found here.

BITTERNESS

This place will pierce you heart with many sorrows. The problem is this, bitterness often finds it's way out of you r tunnel and breaks the hearts of those whom you love. Never believe you have the right to be bitter. When you feel yourself exploring this tunnel ask yourself, "why"? You will find that bitter people, often cast blame on others. It is never their fault for feeling the way they do. Don't blame others. Accept that which is hard to bear even if you feel that it is unbearable. Get out of this tunnel as quickly as possible. If not for your own sake, then for the sake of those you love.

SHAME

This tunnel is one which can steal your dreams. When we make mistakes it tends to rob us of our confidence and self-esteem. As we begin to lose these, we start to lose our hope and when you lose your hope, you cannot dream. Learn from your mistakes. Be the kind of person that says, "I will not do so again. I will overcome my shame, I will fulfill my dreams".

Not all tunnels are bad, some can lead you past your trials and heart aches, but you must be willing to explore them.

CHANGE

It can be frightening, it can be exciting. But one thing is certain, it will be. If it must be, then we must let our hearts be open to it. For if we refuse that which is inevitable, then inevitably we will find our way back into the tunnels described above. Be courageous and explore these tunnels. Fore this is certain, once we accept change, then and only then can we help direct it.

There is one more thing you must take with you as you explore these places both bad and good. You must take that flashlight I spoke of . Remember all of you r blessings. The joy you have known and the lessons you have learned. Always remember who gave you this flashlight. It was not I nor was it your mother. All the joy we have ever known together is because of God's blessings. This flashlight is the only one you will ever need. Learn to use it and let it be your guide. For there is no darkness to great that his light cannot shine through. Forget your flashlight and you tunnel can become a tomb. So hold onto it tight and your family will be there to hold and embrace you as you emerge from the dark tunnels of your heart to the joy of living once again.

I love you,

Dad

YEAH, IT'S CAMPING TIME AGAIN!!!

We all have one right? One kid who strives to be the center of attention. Well if you know my brood, the littlest one is taking lessons from her big sister Karlie. Oh mercy!!!
And every once in a while, they stop long enough for a picture where their all looking at the same time.

These pictures are priceless. Childhood at it's best. Just a girl and her baby, what more could you ask for.

This is our dog Dude, being a good dog and listening to Toby when he told him to sit and stay. Even if Cassie was pulling on him with all her might to go.

Ok, so just let me apologize now for what you are about to see. So, there we were pulling out and low and behold there are some cute deer. Aww, isnt he cute? And then.....

Yep, he is doing what you think he's doing. I said, "Oh great, now I have to wait until he's done", and my husband screams, "TAKE THE PICTURE, TAKE THE PICTURE, this will be the best blog photo yet!!!" "No way" I said, "That's so gross". "That's what's so cool about it", he said laughing as hard as he could. It's a guy thing, I guess. So this is for all you guys out there. Hope you enjoy it as much as my husband did.

I know I always say"This is my favorite picture", and it's true about all of them. One day I will look at this picture when she is all grown up and cry. God please let me enjoy every sweet moment you give me with them.

Seriously, don't you just want to bite her?

In case your wondering why I have so many pictures of Cassie, it's because she is the only one willing to sit still for one!!

A LETTER LONG OVERDUE

Dear Mom,

I don't even know how to begin to write this, but I feel like I need to get out these feelings and writing seems as good a way as any. Well, it's Mothers day again, the day I seem to miss you the most. I know you would tell me not to let that rob me of the joy of being a mother myself and miss out on how much my children try to make me happy on this day and your right, and I'm trying. We went to the cemetery and brought you flowers like we always do, and there they were running around, laughing. It's funny how your heart can ache so bad and yet be so happy at the same time. You would love them so much mom. Sometimes I try to imagine you holding them, singing to them, fixing up their owies. Those are the moments it hurts the most. My little Cassie just reminds me of you. Today we were over at Grandam's house for dinner and she sat in you high chair. I can't believe she's kept it all these years. Karlie and Camille have got your long legs and will probably look the most like you. And my little Noah would just melt your heart. Dont worry, Toby and I still love eachother with a love like you always prayed I would find, and ten years later it just keeps getting stronger.

I think you would be proud of all of us, how far we've come since you left us to be with the Lord. Rachel has a brand new baby boy and she is the best little mommy ever. Oh mom, you would be so proud of her, and she has a wonderful husband named Mike. He loves her so much, I'm so thankful for him. And Sarah, she's all grown up now. She turned into quite a woman. When she finally let go of all that anger, she began to be able to move forward, and it's a step at a time, but she's taking them. We are all praying for our Josh. I have faith, that one day he too can enjoy life again. I know he wants so badly to be the man you always knew he could be, and with God's help he'll get there.

I guess, more than anything, I just want to say, I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you again. My heart longs for that day. Thanks mom, thank you for molding me, loving me, teaching me about the Lord, right from wrong, and how to always, "Win em with love". I can still hear you say that. Thank the Lord for me, and tell him how much it meant that he shared you with us. That I got to have the most incredible teacher, best friend and mother for 21 years. I don't want to dwell on the day you died, because you were so much bigger than that moment. I want to think about how you lived, how you loved and gave love in return. I want to remember your smile, how when you laughed, it was always contagious. How my friends always told me I was the luckiest girl in the world. It took me a long time to fully understand that, but I think now I do.

Happy Mothers day mom, I love you so much and can't wait to see you again someday.

Love Me

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

Recently, on Easter my son and my cousin Evan were playing a video game. It was a skateboard game that took place all over the world. When they got to London, Evan asked Noah if he knew where that was. He said, "London is in Europe, do you know what Europe is?" My son looked at him with an, "Of course I do" look and said, "Yeah, it's like, when it's not your turn, and then... YOUR UP!"

A little boy was asked to say the prayer at dinner time. His father, a minister who had preformed many weddings and funerals listend closley to the boy's prayer and in the end heard this..."In the name of the father, the son, and in the hole he goes".

KIDS ROCK

EASTER EXTRAVAGANZA

This year, Easter was a two day event for us.
Saturday, Tony and Kim put on an Easter party for the kids, complete with a bounce house and all the Easter fun you could ask for. Here's our Tony cookin up the hamburgers!! Yum, yum. Thanks so much guys, those memories will be priceless to our kids one day.

Here's the girls with Korin Castaneda. Seriously, they are the same age and she is a whole head taller than my girls.

Ahh, sweet bliss. I still feel this way when I bite into a cupcake!!!

On Sunday we went to aunt Cindy's and our Lisa was able to join us for a while. Truly a miracle. Lisa was involved in a biking acident a week ago and had some very serious head trama. She is still very dizzy and continues to need Gods mercy but I am very encouraged at her recovery. Thank the Lord she is still with us, and a beautiful as ever.

If you look closely at this picture you see Cha Cha licking her lips to get a crack at Cassie's cupcake face. They bonded over frosting. It's a girl thing.

Kim and Tony rented a bounce house for the kids and man oh man did they have fun!!

I tried to show Cassie how to lay down in the grass and take a picture. But, I forgot how much she HATES grass, so this is what I got.

She already is looking up to her big sisters.

Nothin like a cute picture of a girl and her daddy.

Hope you all had a great Easter!!!

OH HAPPY DAY!!! :)

March 20, 2009 Little Elijah Daniel Perez was born. This was the first picture taken after the birth. The first time Mike and Rachel held him. I think this is such a sweet picture. It's like you can see the joy, that payoff, God's deliverence in the first sweet moment.

Our proud papa Mike. Before Rachel had the baby, Mike said, "I want to have tons of kids". Halfway through the labor I asked him if he still wanted all those kids and he looked at me like I was crazy!! I just laughed and said, " I didnt think so". He was SOOO amazing through the whole thing. This is only my second birth attending but I can tell you that you can tell alot about a mariage and how two people love one another when they go through labor. I will never ever question his love for her. It truly was precious to watch. Thanks guys for letting me be apart.

And OF COURSE Big Kahon had to have his picture with baby.

Even though he was 8 pounds and 9 ounces (that was my guess by the way) he looked to little.

Happy Birthday little E!!!!